It has been a while since I blogged, and a lot has happened.
I worked very hard and graduated from a prestigious four-year university. I never thought, with all the odds stacked against me, that I would ever get there. Walking across that stage and receiving that diploma was the single most liberating and rewarding moment of my life. My heart couldn’t have been bigger and I can’t even fathom being prouder of myself even if I tried.
Yet, I still kick myself.
You are probably reading those words and thinking that you must have seen that wrong. You are probably thinking, “how on earth could someone who has accomplished what she has be kicking themselves?”
A little girl I love very much said it best.
One day, I was with her and she said:
“By not doing what you love to do you are crushing your dreams.”
As harsh as that seemed at the moment and as much as it caught me off guard, I realized she was right.
For as long as I can remember, my dream, my mission in this life has been to help people, to profoundly impact as many people as I can before I leave this earth. When I was at the ripe age of 18, I remember going into college with the same mission, dreaming of a job as a pediatric surgeon, which combined my love for children and helping people seamlessly.
Yet, college brought about a lot of moments… a lot of hard moments where I had to evaluate if my personal well-being or a career in medicine was more important.
I, of course, chose my personal well-being. I chose to sacrifice the hospital scrubs for a degree in English. I chose to focus on not only my academic pursuits, but on my relationships with others, my self-growth… my personal pursuits.
I have grown exponentially. I have grown stronger and more self-aware than I could have possibly ever envisioned myself being. I have rid myself of toxic people and have made room for some of the best people that my life has ever given me. I have become cognizant of my worth and of my vigor. I have not sacrificed who I am, nor have I changed my values for anyone. I am proud of the person I have become, and I thank the four-year institution I was fortunate enough to attend every single day for the person that it has forged me into.
However, know what I know now,
I still kick myself.
I kick myself for not knowing my strength earlier. Because if I had, I would be applying for medical school instead of scrambling to figure out how I could possibly pursue a career in nursing.
My passion has always been the same. I kick myself for not knowing that. I kick myself for not standing by what I knew I wanted, even when it got a little hard.
I kick myself for not sticking with pre-med, every single day.
And I encourage anyone who is going to college and that knows without a doubt what they want to do to never ever give up on that passion. If it is something you have dreamed of your whole life, you obviously want it.
You are intelligent.
You are capable.
You are strong,
and you can do it.
I wish someone told me that.
I wish I had someone to tell me all of that.
The past is where you learned the lesson. The future is where you apply the lesson.
I learned it. And I will apply it.
Just Something Like Olivia 