Hi everyone, and happy Wednesday.
Today, I am going to talk about the future, and how much it absolutely terrifies me.
This is something I truly don’t like to talk about. I delay every conversation about it, avoiding even the thought like the plague.
It’s not healthy that I’m so afraid of something. It’s a fear that, if you asked me, I wouldn’t even know I had. My two biggest fears have always been loss and needles- and if prompted, those are the fears I have always shared.
But my fear of the future runs far deeper than that of needles or loss. I am terrified of what the future holds. This future? It could be as close as tomorrow. Yet I’m still terrified of it. Why? Well, the answer is simple.
It is completely unknown.
No one knows what the future holds, or what kind of future they will have. That’s what terrifies me, shakes me to the very core.
The future is a little easier when you are a child. Responsibilities are slim.
The summer ends simply with just the next grade in school.
Transitioning from learning addition/subtraction to learning multiplication/division.
From kindergarten to elementary school to middle school.
Your parents can still hold your hand, catch you when you fall. You can still escape to your room, believe in fairytales, and wake up the next day with minimal worries.
The biggest monsters are those under your bed. The biggest task is making said bed, getting good marks in school, and being kind.
You aren’t fending for yourself. Bills, a job, and long-term commitment is not only far away, it is also irrelevant.
I am not a child anymore. I am a 20 year old young woman, who will be graduating college in two years.
A job? That’s pretty relevant to me. Long-term commitment? Not so far away anymore. It doesn’t help that I’m not the biggest “college person”, that it’s just not my thing. I am not counting down the days excited to go back… I’m counting down the days, in a sense, dreading going back. I’m a homebody, who loves being close to my family. Some kids can’t wait to get out the door every August- I could wait forever. Once this year is over, I’ll only have one year left. Then, I’ll be in the real world. A world of 9-5, bills, commitment. Commitment is a scary thing- especially for a 20-something who barely knows the meaning of the word. I used to think I knew everything. But the truth? I know nothing at all when it comes down to what it takes to be an adult. That’s what scares me so much- the unknown, the mystery, the chance that I may just not measure up to the expectations that I have for myself. But again, fears aside, summer doesn’t last forever. And in a little more than 2 weeks I have to go and face reality. And with a faithful heart, I will move forward into the future… Try and look past all negative emotions and look to the goal of success, happiness and love.